Sometimes I Still Get Upset

Sometimes I still get upset about my head not working the way I want it to, the way it did before the accident. Last March when I bought Billie, my SYM Symba, I planned to do some of the maintenance myself. I couldn't see any reason I wouldn't be able to. Of course, there is no real good reason I don't work with wood anymore, but I don't. My last big project was a wood and lace room divider. That was years ago and not long before I injured my brain. Now, it seems I've lost the starting place for such projects. Occasionally I'll see one in my minds eye. A few times I have even thought through a project, but it leads no where. I can't find the place to begin. It is a little like when I have words in my mind but I can't get them to my mouth. Thankfully, this happens much less now then it did in the early days of my recovery. It is so very frustrating to begin to speak and the words are ready and waiting but can't get out.

I'm sharing this because I'm finding I can not find the the starting place to even so much as change Billie's oil. I can tell you how it is done. I know what size wrenches to use. I know how to take the filter out with needle nose pliers. I know how to do all of this, nonetheless I can't begin. I can't find the place to begin. Had I'd known this six months ago, I suspect I would have bought a bike with longer service intervals than every six hundred miles. But, then if I had bought a different bike, I wouldn't have had the pleasure of the last five thousand miles with Billie. So, I guess things do work out...sort of.

Not being able to find the place to begin has left me far more dependent on others than I once was. I've found people are mostly kind and will do those things I can not begin. The problem comes when I trust people to do for me things they aren't able to do or just plain don't do. Fortunately this has happened seldom. But, it seems to have happened with those I found myself trusting to care for Billie. It seems they didn't lube the chain nor check its tension at each oil change. I thought they were. I should of checked, but I didn't. And, when it became obvious I needed a new chain even though they said they ordered it. It seems they did not. And, I'm left to wonder what else has been neglected.

Last night I met with a new mechanic. He has been hired to, "Reinvent" the service department at the dealership where I purchased Billie. I was impressed. I'm hoping this relationship will go better. I have reason to believe it will. Obtaining parts for Billie is challenging right now. The distributor of SYM in the USA is still recovering from a disastrous fire. So, I suppose, this will be a good test.

I will not be quite so trusting of this new service person which is probably good, but is also a little sad.